A big kid's tale.

Life begins at 40. Or so they say. If that's the case, then I have to wait a year or so. God willing, I'll live that long. Not that I worry about getting older or about my age.

From what I gather along the way, life began when I decided to "grow up". And I don't mean just physically, because in this part, I don't get to decide. Life began when I realize that even if I don't have the life I imagine or dream of, it's not the end of the world for me. That whenever I'm dealt with the wrong cards, it doesn't mean that life is not fair. To be a grown up means having the courage to own up my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. That whenever I face hardships, it is okay to feel frustrated  and feel like throwing in the towel but still find ways to forge ahead. All of these is part of being alive. Life will be so boring if it's just easy all the time.

I believe life is made unpredictable and mysterious, not to mention difficult at times, in order for me to learn valuable lessons that may come useful and handy, when the going gets rough.  As the saying goes, "what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger". Or something like that.

"When the wind of change blows, some build walls while others build windmills." - Chinese proverb

Change is inevitable and the only constant in life. Like it or not, I encounter and have to deal with a lot of changes in my life. Sometimes, I met them with trepidation and fear. Fear of the unknown is undeniable. And whenever I wallow in fear for too long, I make up excuses to rationalize my inaction and hesitation.

It has been five years now, when I first arrived in Canada. Life is pretty laid-back and I think I have adjusted to my new life here. In those five years a lot has happened and changed for me. I learned to be more thankful even if sometimes things don't turn out the way I want them to be. Life in a foreign country is not that grand as what others purported it to be. Sure, it is a far cry from what I had back home but there are also a lot of ironies that I have to contend with. Being away from my family and all things familiar is a compromise. But I'm grateful for the exceptionally wonderful, kind and generous people I've met whom made me feel welcome and well-taken care of. They made my life here easier.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust

If there's one thing I can take away from the past five years, it is this---I never really fully understand the meaning of being responsible until now. Yes, it's easy for me to say I'm responsible. I mean, I follow the traffic rules and all. I pay my taxes. But frankly, it was only a few months ago that it started to sink in, ---what it really means to be a responsible adult. I never felt more responsible and be present in the moment, than when I'm behind the wheel.  It's the most grown up thing I've ever done, so far. I drink on occasions. But since I started driving, I make it a point to only imbibe alcohol when I am absolutely sure that I won't be going out.

Showing up for work, with a decent amount of sleep and a "let's get this party started" attitude is another thing. Yes, there are days when I wish I'm somewhere else rather than at work. But that's about it. One day, while driving from work to go to the next one, I thought about the bible verse "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other." In my case, I have more than two masters (  and I'm not just talking about work ). Lately, I have this feeling that I'm trapped.  And oftentimes, I've been told that I'm too serious. I can't say I'm crazy about what I do but I'm always thankful for it because it gives me a sense of purpose. Besides, getting paid, it allows me to be with people and interact with them.

To be a sensible and responsible adult is hard work in itself. So in the odd times that I get bogged down and frustrated with the vagaries of adult life, I try to think about this phrase, "this too shall pass" and escape to my world, with books and music. And perhaps, have a drink or two. With coffee, I usually have three. :-)