What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas ( my take!! ).

Before I bore you with the minutiae  of my 2 day get-away in the Sin City, I'd take this opportunity to say "thank you" to the people who took the time to wish me a happy birthday. You all know who you are.

My sister, our friend, Rhea and I thought we'd go to Vegas and see what the hype is all about. Both of them have been there before, so I'm sure they already know what the hype is all about. As for me, I was in for a real treat or so I thought.

They always know how to "pose". :-)

Just to be clear, we didn't go to Vegas because it was my birthday. The days just happened to coincide. Nothing remarkable happened for me there. And after two days, I was tired, had a "tantrum" ( as they call it ) and ready to go home. I can't stand the crowd, the endless walking ( which is ironic because I love walking ) and the smell of cigarette smoke. And more than one occasion, I smelled MJ that made feel nauseous. I made a comment when I came across several people on the streets, chugging along these huge cans of beer and it wasn't even happy hour yet. My sister told me, "Sister, this is Vegas." I was like, yeah right.

My only reason in going there was to check out the place and hang out with them in a different location, for a change. I was excited because it was our first trip together, out of the country. So there's that. I tried to keep a straight face and be agreeable, through out the whole trip. I even manage to take photos and be in several of our selfies. The thing is I just can't kept to myself what I really feel, so I had a "tantrum" ( their term, when I speak my mind, which is not often ). Both of them were annoyed and probably angry at me, that prompted them to say something like "we're not going on a trip again, with you". I had no words to answer back.

One of our many selfies. :-)

In retrospect,  I should have been more pleasant and agreeable to them. I should have followed their lead and acted like a normal person in Vegas. But what's done is done. I have no plans of going back there. Las Vegas did not evoke feelings of "I'm happy to be here !" in me. Instead, it was more like "So this is Vegas, can I go home now?"  Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to see Las Vegas. And I'm thankful that my sister and Rhea were patient enough to put up with me. They still have a good time ( I hope ! ) in spite my being the Grinch in their background. They both get along fine, especially when it comes to going to the malls and shop for things. I'm just the wet blanket in their midst.

But I did try to have a good time and it wasn't all down in the mouth experience for me. I made a few jokes and really tried to act like a normal person. I was ecstatic when we went to Jollibee, which was located away from the strip. In my excitement, I managed to polished off a 2-piece chicken meal, with rice and gravy. I ignored the fact that my mouth were burning while  eating, only to realized halfway, that I ordered the spicy kind. It was really spicy, mind you. While waiting in line to order, I kept telling my sister, "This is amazing, feels like we're back home".  I was really happy that time. Of course, nothing compares to the Jollibee chicken meal back home. On to more cool stuff, I enjoyed the Celine Dion show we went to. It was surreal to listen to her sing live, the song "My Heart Will Go On" from the movie Titanic. I did sing along to a few of her songs I'm familiar with. It was a great show.

Thanks to my sister and master shifa. :-)

Now, we're back to our normal routines. Back to work and all that stuff. We laughed about our trip now. If they're true to their word ( about not going on a trip with me, again ), well, that remains to be seen. Repeatedly, I assured both of them that, I won't feel bad or feel left out, if they go some place, where there's a mall or an outlet shop. I will happily count myself out and they don't have to feel guilty about leaving me behind. I will be fine.

Let's see. :-)

Confession of a "night shifter".

I'm not averse to hard labor. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I work hard for everything I ever wanted or want to achieve. I don't have the luxury of just flicking my fingers, then  lo and behold, whatever my heart desires, will suddenly materialize from thin air. I don't have wealthy parents whom will provide for me when I get in a bind. Come to think of it, it's the other way around. My sister and I provide for our family  since we start working.

I haven't had the slightest inkling that I'd find myself working in healthcare. I defied my aunt's wishes for me to take up nursing after I finished high school because I knew I won't be up for it. The sight of blood and that distinct smell of hospitals makes me sick. Besides, I don't have people skills. Little did I know, that I'd end up working in these places ( sort of ) and with nurses.

When I came to Canada, I started working as a live-in caregiver. At first, I was lost and didn't know about what it is to be a caregiver. I didn't know what it is to care for another person. Fortunately, the people I worked for were very kind and generous to me. They made it easier for me to do my work.  I had the privilege to look after three wonderful, elderly women who were very kind and good to me. In return for my service, aside from getting paid, they taught me things that I would never have learn or knew about if I hadn't work for them. Their families were so welcoming and generous to me too.

I remembered a few years back, I wrote something about my feelings and thoughts on being a live-in caregiver. About my fears and reservations of caring for someone vulnerable and dependent on me. And it helped me, in some ways, to cope. And now that I work as a care aide, I have reservations and conflicting feelings too. And more so because now, I must deal with a lot of  people.

Pretty much sums up why I prefer night shift. 😃

In my current line of work, we go by different names, RCA or resident care aide; healthcare assistant or HCA or simply, care aide. When someone ask me what I do, I simply said that I work in a facility, which is kind of broad or confusing, perhaps. But where I work at, the term denotes a place where elderly people ( and some not that old ) live. Their last stop before they kick the bucket, so to speak. I did try to work in a hospital but too much noise and  trying to get along with a lot of people is exhausting.

I have work in different shifts--- days, evenings and nights. Surprisingly, I find that working night shifts suited me well. I say surprisingly because I am a morning person. I used to be a stickler for going to bed early and up early the next morning. But since I decided that I prefer working nights, my sleep routine changes. There are days that I'm in bed for the most part of the day, trying to sleep, because it's either I just got off work the previous night or I have to work later at night. And its a bit difficult to sleep during the day when its all sunny out there. I've read about the downsides of working nights and sleep deprivation, health wise. I feel it, especially after I work six nights straight. Sleep deprivation and some say, the lack of a social life are the reasons that most people don't like to work nights. I don't have a social life so this is not a big deal for me.

While some people cringed and abhor the thought of doing a night shift or actually doing one, I welcome it, of course, with a good dose of qualms and reservations. Who love to go out and drive at night, just to go to work? I'm pretty sure, no one does, at least not by choice. I don't like to drive at night especially on a Friday night but I do it anyway.  So, why do it?  That's a good question. The thing is I don't like doing a night shift per se, but I prefer it compared to doing a day or evening shift. My sister always joked about why I prefer it, because according to her I'm afraid of people. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want to be around them for a long period of time. And 8 hours is a long time. There's too much that goes on during the day and lots of people to work with.  A lot of "people drama" happens  and its something I don't want to get into. All I want is to work within that 8-hour window, as expected of me and after that, I go home.

There are people who thinks that night shift workers have it easy, that they just sleep through the night doing the least amount of work. Well, I'd like to see these people try work one, especially on a full moon. Then I'd be happy to hear to what they have to say. So far, I like the people I work with during night shifts, except for a few, who acts like they're ready to lie in bed and sleep rather than work or those who pick up overtime and acts like they're doing you a favor by staying the night. In my mind, I'm like, go home.

I get questions like, "So, you like working night shifts?" or "You only work nights?" to which I always reply with a slight nod and a shrug. With night shift, I only have to deal with a few people, primarily my partner and the charge nurse. And of course, the residents, whom ideally should be sleeping. But on some nights and for a lot of different reasons, they don't sleep. Some would want to get up, thinking its already morning. And if something major happens, there's only a few staff to deal with it, so you see, night shift people don't have it easy.

I'm not going to lie and say I'm crazy about my job. But I'm thankful for it. And the only way I can show this is to work in the the best way possible. Hence, I prefer nights. 😃

What I think about, now that I'm 40. And what I learned, so far.

"You're only young once, they say, but doesn't it go for a long time? More years than you can bear." - Hilary Mantel, An Experiment in Love

I turned 40  months ago, days leading to it, I search online for things to do to mark my 40^th birthday. A party is out of the question. I mean, a party involves a lot of people. Other interesting stuff were mentioned, like jumping out of a plane for one or go somewhere secluded and spend the day by yourself. Things I’m not too keen on doing at that time. My birthday falls on a Monday and it was just like any ordinary day. My sister bought balloons with the words “Happy 40^th Birthday!”. I repeatedly told her, it was just a waste of money, much to her annoyance. Then we had breakfast at a local cafe near our place and went for a short walk around the lake. The walk was my favorite part of the day. I thought about having a drink at the end of the day, then remembered that I have to go to work later that night. So much for my 40^th.

 I remembered someone told me, that she went all out when she turned 40. Frankly, I didn’t know what she meant. Age is just a number, I know, but somehow it implies a lot of things. Someone asked me how I feel now that I’m 40. I replied that I don’t feel anything. Not entirely true, I suppose. On some days I can feel my back, when I get out of bed. Other times, my knees make this sound, when I hurry down the stairs. For me, nothing has changed, except for the fact that I’m 40 and the weight on my shoulders has gotten heavier.

I’ve heard the line that says, life begins at 40 or something like that. If that’s the case, what was the last 39 years of my life amount to? I have no idea. I thought about writing this post because I find that now I’m older, I tend to do a lot of thinking about things in general. I’ve been told that I think too much, to a fault. I mean, I even complicate a simple matter by thinking too much about it. My sister point this out to me all the time. So, if you don’t mind, allow me to share my thoughts on random things, from a 40-year old’s point of view. So, here goes my spiel.

My sister will be my go-to companion, until, she go on one of her "hush. hush" getaways. 

On Family: It’s funny and weird, how when I was younger, I wish that I belong in a different family. I wish that I had the perfect parents and siblings. As I get older, I realized that part of who I am today is attributed to my family.  No amount of success will mean anything to me if I can’t share it with them.

On Work: Someone at work made a comment that I’m an eager-beaver because I arrive half an hour early before the start of my shift. She made it sound like it’s such a bad thing that I am early. I dismissed her comment with a shrug. My sister even told me that no one will give me a medal for being punctual at work. I guess the norm for most people is to arrive at work with 5 minutes to spare, half-awake (during mornings) and drag their feet, because they’d rather be somewhere else. I don’t profess to be crazy about my job but I do it in a way that is expected of me. I believe in going the extra mile even if nobody cares if I do.

"Sometimes the highest test of humanity is what we hold ourselves back from doing when every fiber in our body wants to do something else."- Mitch Albom

 On Friends: I don’t have a lot of friends. I have acquaintances, mostly by association. When I first came to Canada seven years ago, I’ve been told that I won’t survive alone. Scary predicament, I thought. Fortunately, I have my sister here, she’s obligated to be friends with me, whether she like it or not. But even then, I need to “get away” from her, from time to time. I am privilege and fortunate to have met people that have been very good and kind to me. People who understands that tiny detail about me---just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I don’t have anything to say about things. People who believe that I’m capable of doing something worthwhile and help me achieve it. People who wants me around, just because.

On driving: I’ve been driving for the past two years and I can’t say, I like it very much. I do it out of necessity when I must go to work but other than that, I’d rather stay put. It didn’t help when I got pulled over once, for running through a yellow light. Sure, there’s the thing about being independent and all. And that’s it. I still want to be on  the passenger seat, once in awhile and be alone with my thoughts.

On death: My first experience with death was when my grandmother passed away, and I was old enough to understand what happened. I have had a few people I care about, passed away. And I know  that death is inevitable, still, it saddened me to think that I won't see them again. That all I have are memories.

On children: I don’t have children of my own but I’m cool with hanging out with them, from time to time. I like children but I don't think I'm responsible enough to have them.

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love." - Rumi

I like to think that I learned a thing or two since I came to this world. I used to wonder why my mother didn't impose rules on me while growing up. When I confronted her about this, she replied, "I know you'd always do the right thing.",with an expression, that said, how can you ask me that. 

I find that dreams do come true. It did not happen overnight for me but when it did, the feeling was surreal and left me speechless, except to say, "This is awesome."  I can't take all the credit for the past 40 years. It is evident that I have some help and someone is looking out for me. And for that I am always thankful.

Being a grown up and a responsible adult is hard work. A lot of times I have to make compromises just to fit in. I used to tell myself that I don't really care what people say or think about me. But the thing is, I do. And doing the right thing, sometimes, go against, what I believe is right. But hey, I'm still here, so I guess, I'm figuring things as I go along.

So anyway, I'll end this post with my hopes for the years to come, God willing, I'm still around....

• Good health for my family and friends.
• The means and willingness to provide for my family.
• To be always grateful, no matter what.
• To 'don't sweat the small stuff".
• To run again. Hopefully.