Philomena

I don't usually write my thoughts about a book I've just read. But I made an exception for Philomena. As much as possible, I try to keep an open mind  when I read a book, recommended or suggested by someone. The book club gives me the opportunity to read books that otherwise I won't read or even hear of. Its great that Rita loves to read too and don't mind taking me along to their book club meetings. And the ladies are nice.

Reading "Philomena" stirred emotions in me that I haven't thought about in a long time. It touches on the subject of religion, for one. I am a non-practicing Roman Catholic but I was raised as one. I remember the times when I reluctantly went with my grandmother to hear mass on Sundays at four in the morning. I'd sit there in church, half-asleep and didn't really understand what was going on. I grew up on talks about eternity in hell if I commit sins. Later on, as I got older, I started to ask questions and refused to go to church. At some point, probably out of exasperation, my grandmother called me a heathen. I was sure I disappointed her but I know that she doted on me till the day she passed away. I also have had first-hand experience with nuns. I went to a Catholic school in my secondary years. And during my first year in university, I lived in a dormitory run by nuns. While I was there, I did crazy stuff, like hide under my bed when it was time to say the rosary. I even come close to being kick out from the dormitory because I got drunk. But I didn't feel bad that I break the rules, I was more embarrassed when my father had to come and had a talk with one of the nuns. When I think about it now, all I can say is that, things back then were not really what they purport to be. And belief in God is not just about going to church.

Babies born out of wedlock is not  foreign to me. I have three younger sisters who got pregnant and they never heard from the guys again. My nieces and nephews don't know their fathers. When I first learned about my sisters' predicament, I was angry at them for being stupid. Then, the babies came. I realized that I could not be mad at them too and act as if I don't care. It wasn't the babies fault and they didn't ask for it. Sure, another mouth to fed put more strain on our family's meager resources, but to abandon the babies was not an option. My sisters were lucky, they didn't have to go through what Philomena did.  A few months ago, I had the chance to go home for a short visit and I was amazed at how my nieces and nephews have grown, in the past four years I was away. Amid the chaos and noise in our big family, I know they'll be fine. I think we made the right decision to keep them, besides it would break my mother's heart if they were taken away.

I can relate to Mike's need to belong and have the affirmation from the people he cares about. Sometimes, I wonder if I do things just to be in good terms with my family. That if I do something contrary to what they expect of me, I'll disappoint them. Fortunately, my mother never pressured me to do something I don't like. She told me once, that she knows I'll always do the right thing. And I try to.

Anyway, I like to read books that make me think. And Philomena is one of them. It made me think. Probably way too much, I end up writing this post.