If I were a boy, the perks of being "not really a girl".

I can hear the wheels turning in your head. "Finally, she's coming out." But I hate to disappoint you, I'm not coming out from anywhere. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not hiding. Lately, I've been thinking about a lot of things and more so because I have free time on my hands. Actually, I should be doing something else, aside from zoning out but I always procrastinate. The inclination to write is heightened when I'm at this state. But  I do go to work so the aforementioned "free time" on my hands is not always the case.

Now back to my post. As long I can remember, I never really like to wear a dress. And by dress, I mean, the kind made with frilly or soft stuff or something that cling to your body. Or worse, the kind that hinders free movement. Growing up, a shirt and knee-high pants were always my go-to attire.  I have no explanation and I don't think I owe anyone, as to why I'd rather wear jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of runners than a dress or something. I can't be bothered with make-up , fashion or dressing up. It annoys me when I go to the mall with my sister because she'd spend hours there to look for clothes and what not. And one time, while we were in a store, I told her that I feel out of place and she gave me a look that said "Oh my, here we go again." A shower and a change of clean clothes is good enough for me. I don't spend a lot of time going over what to wear because its mainly jeans and t-shirt, except during colder months. I don't agonize over how my hair looks like ( well, it's always in a ponytail anyway and lately, I think about cutting it short so I don't have to worry about combing it ).

"Look at me, I will never pass for a perfect bride

 Or a perfect daughter.

 Can it be, I'm not meant to play this part?

 Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself

 I would break my family's heart...." - Mulan

It's a huge relief that I don't have lots of friends so I don't get invites to parties or get-together. That way, I don't need to dress up. Besides, parties and get-togethers are not my thing. I do like to smell good, if that's any consolation. When I complained to my sister about how she spend hours "painting" her face or "ironing" her hair and letting me wait like forever, it seems, she always give me this retort, "You don't understand because you're not a girl."

Apparently, based on my experience, if a girl does not dress or move around like the rest of the female species, she's bound to be labeled as something else. We have different words for it in our dialect and now when I think of it, they sound derogatory and mocking. I had my share of embarrassing incidents, when I was mistaken for a boy or someone's younger brother, especially when I used to sport a crop haircut. The story of my life.

As for relationships, I don't have any. I think that fueled the speculation about me leaning more toward the same team. Someone even asked me if I'm attracted to guys, I'm like, yes I do. But it doesn't mean that I want to hang out with them or spend the rest of my life with them. I don't go out of my way to meet them because I don't want to.

I came from a culture that sort of classify women, when they get to a certain age, to "settle down" and have a family. The "settle down" and "have a family" part has never really entered my mind. I don't hear my biological clock ticking. ( And for someone. who is asked for identification, from time to time, when I go to buy something from a liquor store, I guess I can get away with not hearing my biological clock ticking. )

Just so you know, I'm not against relationship or marriage. I know a few people who are married and have children. They're happy.  But I know early on, that being in a relationship or getting married, for that matter, is not for me. I am selfish when it comes to my time. I'm not willing to compromise.

This is my stand now, but who knows, a few years down the road, something get loosely unscrewed in my brain, then all of a sudden, I change my mind. ( God forbid .) In the meantime, I enjoy and make the most of what I have right now. And be "irresponsible" once in a while.

Yes, I mentioned about  perks. Well, here's one, I get to buy more pairs of runners. Go figure.

Philomena

I don't usually write my thoughts about a book I've just read. But I made an exception for Philomena. As much as possible, I try to keep an open mind  when I read a book, recommended or suggested by someone. The book club gives me the opportunity to read books that otherwise I won't read or even hear of. Its great that Rita loves to read too and don't mind taking me along to their book club meetings. And the ladies are nice.

Reading "Philomena" stirred emotions in me that I haven't thought about in a long time. It touches on the subject of religion, for one. I am a non-practicing Roman Catholic but I was raised as one. I remember the times when I reluctantly went with my grandmother to hear mass on Sundays at four in the morning. I'd sit there in church, half-asleep and didn't really understand what was going on. I grew up on talks about eternity in hell if I commit sins. Later on, as I got older, I started to ask questions and refused to go to church. At some point, probably out of exasperation, my grandmother called me a heathen. I was sure I disappointed her but I know that she doted on me till the day she passed away. I also have had first-hand experience with nuns. I went to a Catholic school in my secondary years. And during my first year in university, I lived in a dormitory run by nuns. While I was there, I did crazy stuff, like hide under my bed when it was time to say the rosary. I even come close to being kick out from the dormitory because I got drunk. But I didn't feel bad that I break the rules, I was more embarrassed when my father had to come and had a talk with one of the nuns. When I think about it now, all I can say is that, things back then were not really what they purport to be. And belief in God is not just about going to church.

Babies born out of wedlock is not  foreign to me. I have three younger sisters who got pregnant and they never heard from the guys again. My nieces and nephews don't know their fathers. When I first learned about my sisters' predicament, I was angry at them for being stupid. Then, the babies came. I realized that I could not be mad at them too and act as if I don't care. It wasn't the babies fault and they didn't ask for it. Sure, another mouth to fed put more strain on our family's meager resources, but to abandon the babies was not an option. My sisters were lucky, they didn't have to go through what Philomena did.  A few months ago, I had the chance to go home for a short visit and I was amazed at how my nieces and nephews have grown, in the past four years I was away. Amid the chaos and noise in our big family, I know they'll be fine. I think we made the right decision to keep them, besides it would break my mother's heart if they were taken away.

I can relate to Mike's need to belong and have the affirmation from the people he cares about. Sometimes, I wonder if I do things just to be in good terms with my family. That if I do something contrary to what they expect of me, I'll disappoint them. Fortunately, my mother never pressured me to do something I don't like. She told me once, that she knows I'll always do the right thing. And I try to.

Anyway, I like to read books that make me think. And Philomena is one of them. It made me think. Probably way too much, I end up writing this post.

current reads and what not...

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

• What are you currently reading?
• What did you recently finish reading?
• What do you think you’ll read next?

So, here goes mine:

What are you currently reading?

I have John Grisham's The Rainmaker ( that I got from the library ) waiting for my undivided attention. Although I've read this book before ( years ago, I think ), I figured there's no harm done if I read it again. Besides, this is my all-time favorite of all Grisham books.

What did you recently finish reading?

I finished James Patterson's ( and Marshall Karp ) NYPD RED a few days ago. It took me just one day to finish it. Since  that first time I read one of Patterson's ( along with a co-author ) novel, I was hooked. I enjoyed reading his books because it is fast-paced and always give me this impression or feeling, that I'm watching a movie. The scenarios and characters described come to life in my mind. 

What do you think you'll read next?

Whatever that comes available from the library ( that is, after I finish reading The Rainmaker ). I requested a few books and I'm just waiting for them. So, let's see.

The End of Your Life Book Club

I can't say it enough, I love reading and I love books. And I also love to read books written about the love for books and reading too. ( Lost yet? )

I'm lucky to get hold of "The End of Your Life Book Club" by Will Schwalbe, when it was fairly new and just released this year. Not that I'd mind reading this later or next year. I found this book at the Chapters website where I frequent, to look for new books to read. I perused its summary and decided I like to read it. I put a request for it at the library and I'm glad  I didn't have to wait that long.

I'm not going to write a book review because until now, I don't know how to write one. And I feel that I don't do justice to it, anyway.

What I love about this book is the way the author shared his and his mother's passion about books and reading. And the impact it has in their respective lives. Through the course of reading this, I can't help but wish that Tiya ( my aunt in the Philippines ) is here, so we can share books and talk about them. One day, I brought up this subject ( you know, sharing books and reading ) to my sister, she pointedly told me to leave her out of "it".

"That's one of the things books do. They help us talk. But they also give us something we all can talk about when we don't want to talk about ourselves."

I remember the lady that I used to look after and work for before. She passed away a few months ago. One thing that made us hit it off from the start, I believe, is books and reading. ( Well, there's the crossword puzzle too. She got me started with it and now, I'm hooked. ) During the time, I lived with her, we've shared books and talked about them. She suggested books that I should read, which I did and found them great and enjoyable. ( My favorites: Roots by Alex Haley; A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry and The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay ). I let her read whatever books I got from the library that I thought she might like and she did enjoy them too. We both cried over "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini. Sometimes, I think about those times, when we just hang out and  read in companionable silence.

Looking back now, I realized that, without both of us intending to, we started out our own book club too. However short-lived it was. Of course, at that time, we didn't think about someone dying or something, instead we look forward to more years ahead of us and more books to read. After she died, I stopped reading for awhile. I just didn't feel like it. Later on, I started writing diligently on my journal and found my way back to reading again. She once told me that I should write something about my life, especially coming to and living in a foreign country and leaving my family behind. I was taken aback, since no one ever suggested that to me before and I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind, "Yes, I will. And you'll be the first one to read it." 

 "The End of Your Life Book Club" afforded me that glimpse, to know what it feels like to have someone, to share with your "love" for books and reading. Although, I really don't mind, if there's no one to share books with and reading, for that matter.

Sometimes, just for the heck of it, I teased my sister about how I wish she like books and reading too, or start telling her about a book I've read or currently reading, I love seeing her "Please, don't talk to me about that." look.

Anyway, if ever you get the chance to read "The End of Your Life Book Club", hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did. But if not, that's alright too. :-)

How it all began for me...

There are only few simple joys in life that I cherish and nurture. Running, for one. Food is another thing. Then there's my love for books and reading in general. I have Tiya to thank for the latter. Without her stories, years ago and her encouragement for me to read, I wouldn't have discover this wonderful and worthwhile pastime. I don't have to go to far-away places just to read.

I can't remember the exact time when I started my love affair with reading. All I know is, I've always love to read and most of the time, happier when I'm just by myself, with a good book. ( I don't need to seek the company of others when I have a great book with me. Although, I had a great time in AMUMA with my batch mates.)

At first, I was content to read Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. Then later on, I found the same story line boring. One day, Tiya gave me a paperback ( Hotel by Arthur Hailey ) and suggested I try it. I did. From then on, I was hooked.

I remember one year, I just stayed home when I'm supposed to start college. Due to reasons that I can't recall, I had to defer going to school for another year. Tiya brought me books every week and I read them all. Paperbacks. Condensed Reader's Digest. With every book was an adventure waiting for me in between the pages.

I moved from reading young-adult ( the Harry Potter series is my all-time favorite ) to more complicated and serious stuff. I'm lucky to read great writings from different excellent and wonderful authors. I've been moved to tears and  laughter. With reading, I learned a lot about the world around me. I began to learn how to think outside the box. To be open to new ideas and think things over.

I prided myself in being able to put up an indifferent countenance about certain things, except for one. I can never pretend that I don't like books or reading ( for that matter ) My reaction to the sight of books neatly stack on shelves ( either inside a library or bookstore ) always give me away. I can't say I read everything. It depends whether it interest me or not.

Reading and books will always be a part of my life. And I'll always be thankful for Tiya for sharing this wonderful gift with me.

reads to start off 2012

Waiting for me ( not in vain, I hope )

If reading can be compared to taking a swig of alcoholic drink then, I'm in a perpetual daze of inebriation. Lately, I've been reading a lot and it helps that the local public library is just within walking distance from the house. Sometimes, I pick up books while out for a short run.

I decided to do away with the usual "resolution" thing that is always seem overrated at the start of every new year. Instead, I came up with this idea to write something about the books I've read lately. I'm still doing the POST-IT thing but I have yet to fill in the first page of my BOOK JOURNAL. I'm lazy, I know.

So, to begin with, I've read three books so far ( and more to come, hopefully ) I get them from the library ( now you can imagine, how my life would have turn out if this 'favorite haunt' wasn't conveniently located )

The Clan of Cave Bears ( Jean Auel )
A very slow read for me. Took me more than a week to finish this one. And I had to read another book in between to get away from it, for a bit. To break the monotony and somewhat dull pace of the story.

What keeps me going? It was interesting and you not only get to read fiction, per se, but also learn about the prehistoric people and all. And there's always that nagging thought to find out what happen next.

The Secret Letter of the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari ( Robin Sharma )
I read this one in  while reading The Clan of Cave Bears ( of course, not at the same time ). I requested this from the library a few months ago. Finally, when it was available, I started reading it, the same day I picked it up. Well, I stayed in the library for a couple of hours at that time.

A great read for me and truly inspiring. I stick POST-IT notes on different pages of the book, filled with phrases I like.

A Secret Kept (Tatiana De Rosnay )
After I've read "Sarah's Key", Tatiana De Rosnay's first book, I know then, that I like the way how she writes. It just took me more than a day to finish "Sarah's Key" and the same thing happened with "A Secret Kept".

A fast-paced read and something I can't easily put down and wait for another time to get back to it. Yes, I stayed up until midnight with this one. And save the few remaining chapters for the next day.

Anyway, this enjoyable activity has keep me preoccupied so far, aside from my other love. :-)

Who says reading is boring?

Updated Book List ( at last )

“We read to know that we are not alone.” - C.S. Lewis

Since the start of this year, I put it upon myself to make a list of all the books I've read in a month. And I was able to do so, at least for the first quarter of the year, though. You can check it out here.

I think I'm lazy. Once I started to get engrossed in a book, I just completely zone out everything ( except my work, of course ) I have this thing of sticking a POST-IT note on the first page of the book I will read and jot down the title, author's name, date started and date finished. It's my way to keep track of the books I've read and the time it took me to finish them.

Somehow, I muster enough willingness to come up with the list and update it diligently. It's not much actually. I usually get the books I read from the library ( which has become my favorite haunt during my days off ) and some I buy from discount stores ( if and when I want my own copy of a book that I particularly like) And so, here it goes...

APRIL 2011 

1. The Help ( Kathryn Stockett )
2. Up Island ( Anne Rivers Siddons )
3. And Thereby Hangs A Tale ( Jeffrey Archer )
4. Mirage ( Soheir Khashoggi)
5. Water for Elephants ( Sara Gruen)

MAY 2011

1. The Mermaid Chair ( Sue Monk Kidd )
2. False Impression ( Jeffrey Archer )
3. Someone Knows My Name (The Book Of Negroes ) ( Lawrence Hill )
4. World Without End ( Ken Follet )

JUNE 2011

1. Roots ( Alex Hailey )
2. The Kite Runner ( Khaled Hosseini )
3. Life Without Limits ( Nick Vujicic )
4. A Thousand Splendid Suns ( Khaled Hosseini )
5. The Book of Awesome ( Neil Pasricha )

“It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.”  - Oscar Wilde

JULY 2011

1. The Distant Hours ( Kate Morton )
2. Sarah's Key ( Tatiana de Rosnay )
3. Marathon Woman ( Kathrine Switzer )
4. Any Known Blood ( Lawrence Hill )
5. To Be A Runner ( Martin Dugard )
6. The Hours ( Michael Cunningham )

AUGUST 2011

1. Snow Flower and the Secret Fan ( Lisa See )
2. Let's Take The Long Way Home- A Memoir of Friendship ( Gail Caldwell )
3. A Cup of Friendship ( Deborah Rodriguez )
4. Dreams of Joy ( Lisa See )
5. Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone ( J. K. Rowling )
6. The Splendor of Silence ( Indu Sundaresan)

SEPTEMBER 2011

1. Ancestor Stones ( Aminatta Forna )
2. Burnt Mountain ( Anne Rivers Siddons )
3. Kabul Beauty School (Deborah Rodriguez)
4. A Fine Balance ( Rohinton Mistry )
5. Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets ( J.K. Rowling)
6. Running on Empty ( Marshall Ulrich)
7. Prisoner of Tehran- A Memoir ( Marina Nemat)

My reading experience for the past few months has been wonderful and excellent. I cried when I read "The Kite Runner" and "Sarah's Key". I'm always transported to a different time and place whenever I start reading. I read about various subjects. Slavery, conflict between the Nazis and the Jews, and the ongoing struggle in Afghanistan. Then there's about India and China. And there's also about running.

I'll look forward for more great reads in the future. Many thanks to the South Cowichan Library here in Mill Bay!

Let's keep reading.:-)

SWIM.BIKE.RUN

Growing up, I never thought of getting into any form of physical activity. I was content to play "patintero" after school. Ran around the school playground. Played hide and seek and "luksong tinik". And that's about it. Back then, the word "sports" was foreign to me.

SWIM
Learning to swim has never occurred to me, considering the fact that my family just lived across a beach. I could have just cross the road and swim to my heart's content. Unfortunately, it did not pan out that way. My Granny always stop us ( me and my younger siblings ) from going into the water lest we'd drown or something.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I muster enough courage to try to learn how to swim, when the opportunity presented itself. I found out that it was cool. I had no qualms while I stepped into the pool, clad in a swimsuit ( which, frankly, was my first time ) Being in the pool is just amazing. Sherry, the swimming instructor was wonderful and made me comfortable while I try to get my bearings around. She was very helpful. I think so much about nailing my kick, that I end up stressed and stiff as a board, so she told me to imagine something I love doing ( which is running ) and just go from there. It worked. I had a great time.

I find that, learning to swim  ( or swimming for that matter), entails a lot of hard work. Especially on my part since I'm just starting out. I expected not get tired easily, because I run, but I was wrong. After only a few minutes during my first lesson, I was already out of breath.

Still, it maybe a lot of work but it is loads of fun. I wish I can do it everyday.:-)

BIKE
I first rode a bike when I was about 9 or 10 years old or older. I'm pretty sure, I was still in elementary school at that time. There wasn't enough space in my Aunt's front yard so I just went around in circles. When my Granny heard about it, she forbid me to do it again. I could fall and hurt myself. There goes my first "taste" of a bike ride. I haven't ride the thing ( besides I did not have one ) ever since.

Then I moved to Canada and months later, I found out that I still know how to get on a bike and go for a ride ( though just around my aunt's neighborhood and not out on the streets) It felt like I lost something and found it again. I did struggle at first, to keep my balance, but after I get the hang of it, off I go. It was an exhilarating experience. I love the rush of the wind, against my face, when I pedaled fast. And the prospect of hitting into something give me a thrill. Now, that's weird. This was when I still live in Nanaimo.

Now, I live in Mill Bay, in a quiet neighborhood. And two weeks ago, I had another chance to go for a ride again. A friend let me borrow her bike. So, one day, I felt very brave and decided to go into the road, leading to the nearby school's parking lot. I figured I have ample space to work around there. In my excitement while going down the road, I went out too fast. I was overwhelmed at the speed I was going that I forgot to grab hold of the brakes. With legs straight out and flailing to the side, I was desperate to stop the bike but I was unsuccessful. I fell off it and crashed on the pavement. I bruised my left knee. So much for speed, eh? What surprises me was, I kind of like it. I mean, not the falling off the bike part but "going out fast" It was awesome. In fact I was more worried about the bike being wrecked and if someone saw me ( I wasn't sure if anyone was around at that time ) It was only later that I felt the pain and noticed the purple mark on my left knee.

It has been two weeks since that incident and I haven't been on the bike again. Not because I am traumatized. I'm just taking my time. Besides, I don't want the risk of hurting my knees again.

RUN
Now this is the best part. I don't need to ask permission from Granny to go out for a run. At least, not now anyway. Besides, she's not around anymore.

My first 21K race ( Scotiabank Vancouver Half-marathon 2011 )

I discover running when I was already in my mid-thirties. It came at a time when I needed something that I can do all by myself and does not need the company of others. I started running to hopefully, get in shape ( primarily to lose weight because I could not stand anymore the struggle I had when I pick out clothes and go for the largest size possible) But I was doing it wrong so I end up gaining more weight and hurting my legs.

After awhile, when I changed my attitude about my "running", I was transformed ( of course, not into a robot ) I began to enjoy my outdoor excursions and look forward to it. I even love it to a point. ( I have a blog solely for it.) Surprisingly, I lose weight ( without me stressing about it ) along the way and sparing myself from "stupid" diets.

Anyway, there's no question about running being number one on my list. But then, there's no reason I can't do the other two. I find that I enjoy doing them too, so I'm all for it.

 I'll continue to learn how to swim and work on my biking "skills" ( going out into the streets without falling from it, hopefully) In the meantime, I'll keep running, for as long as I can.

And no, I'm not thinking about a  triathlon.