Friday, July 4, 2014

Summertime sadness.

"In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks." - John Muir

Lately, I have no interest to update my blog. Nothing much is happening in my life anyway. Once in a while, I make an exception though. I mean, hey, life's too short to worry about stuff like, life not exciting enough. But just to give you a heads up, what I've written here is far from exciting so....

 Summer is definitely upon us and it makes me painfully aware that Nancy is not here. She used to say that she can't wait for summer to come so she can sit outside and enjoy it. We'd talk about the flowers and have cold drinks. While she'd bask in the sun's warmth, Moxie and I would stay in the shade and cool ourselves. Sometimes, I wish for rain to come so I can go for a run and have a good cry, while at it.
Happier times.

 I think I never learn. I told myself a few times, not to get attached and care too much about someone. Or not feel too happy about what's going on in my life. But I did the exact opposite. I care about Nancy and now she's gone. I went "crazy" with running ( and I still am ) and my feet acted up. I thought life was good  then things change.

I try to look for distractions anywhere I can find it, however short-lived. I went hiking with Rita and her friends. One day, we found ourselves on a slippery, seaweed-covered  rocks on the beach and as I inched my way through it, the thought of slipping come to mind. The possibility of a fall or twisting my ankle scares me but at the same time, gives me a rush. Physical pain, sometimes is some form of distraction until such time when it gets too much that I have to reach for Ibuprofen. Hiking on the trails give me an illusion that I'm out for a run. Time spent outside makes me feel good. But after it was over and done, I'm back to square one. Then one time, I turned my attention to vodka ( with orange juice ) and for awhile there, I had the time of my life. Until the next morning, when my head felt like it weigh a ton and my stomach felt weird that my appetite eluded me for a day.

 So what brought this on? I guess, I'm sad. See, I'm not even sure that I am. Probably, because I had no reason to, until of late. And it's more noticeable because I haven't been to my "happy place" in a long time. I'm not the type who dwell on the not-so-good things in life. Perhaps, because I don't usually think about them, until now. Too much thinking has its downside I suppose. 

Better get back to my reading. And learning new words.