...the thing is...

I've been reduced to do some heavy thinking about what I am becoming gradually as a person. For starters, I'm not really good to be around with when I'm in my baddest mood. There are times that trivial things annoyed me so much that I have to locked myself inside my room to stop me from lashing at anyone. Sometimes, I think that I don't really belong here or anywhere for that matter. I can be surrounded with friends and seemed to enjoy their company, but deep inside, I always have this incessant feeling to get away and just be alone. I guess that's the reason I don't have many friends. Fortunately, the few friends I have right now, go out of their way to put up with me. I'm familiar with the saying that "No man is an island." but frankly, I don't even understand what it means. At some point, human beings will interact with each other because we are wired to do so. I guess I'm the loose end that fell between the cracks. I avoided situations to be around with people because I don't want to put up pretenses. If I only I can go through the motions of facing them uninvolved.
There were times I experienced feeling so detached from anyone and anything. It looked like I was there physically but I felt like I was some place else. Absurd as it may sound but I liked that feeling but then it didn't last long because after you slept it off, reality came crashing down again. A reality that I'd rather not be in but I don't have a choice. I'm afraid of becoming callous to the point that I will cease to hit it off with anyone---especially to those that matters.