I never ask her, "What it's like to be you?"...

"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." - Abraham Lincoln

It's been a long time since I last saw my mother, not that I'm counting. More than three years ago, I mumbled a hasty goodbye to her before I boarded the plane that took me to another country. I didn't even look back because I suck at saying goodbye and I didn't want to see her sad face.

My mother had me when she was just 18. When I was that age, I was busy with a new life away from home under the guise of attending university.

All those years growing up, my mother never had to fussed on me about anything, well, except for that day when she forced me to wear a dress to school or that time when she put clips on my unruly hair ( to make it stay in place ) but I took it off when I thought she wasn't looking. She never had to wake me up on a school day ( because most of the time, I was up before her ); never had to tell me to study my lessons or do my homework; she never had to tell me not to stay out late at night or skip class, I thought she's indifferent or just didn't care. Years later, when I asked her why she was never strict or impose rules on me, she simply replied, "Because I know you always do the right thing." So, that was it. I didn't realize she trust me that much.

I used to have this fear that I might end up like my mother---have nine kids and just stay at home. That time, I didn't even think of all the "work" she had to put up with raising us. When I think about it now, I'm sure that I can't measure up to what she did for us. ( Good thing, I don't have kids.)

My mother is the simplest and sometimes, naive person you've ever met. She give in to almost everything to avoid arguments and fights, which was and is a frequent occurrence in our house. For the most part growing up, I tried to for someone to look up to and look after  me. With a new baby arriving every couple of years or so, I drifted farther away from her. As I grew older, I realized that I don't need another person to acknowledge my presence and the things I've done because my mother is always there. I live away from home most of my adult life that it's comforting to know that when I come home again, she'll be there. As for "knowing to do the right thing", she need not worry about it.

Anyway, I've been meaning to write this one in time for Mother's Day but I never get around to it. My mother won't read this but it doesn't matter. Besides, she knows I appreciate what she'd done for me and my siblings, all these years. And I am forever thankful.

For our one and only "Nanay", every day is Mother's Day. :-)

My "pet" friends...

"Animals are such agreeable friends-- they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." - George Eliot

I've been meaning to write something about my new-found "friends". I always keep putting it off. I spent too much time thinking about what to write rather than go ahead and simply write.

If someone asked me three years ago, if I like animals, especially cats and dogs, my answer would be no. Not that I have something personal against them, I just didn't like them then.

"An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language." - Martin Buber

Now, things have change. I never thought that I can carry on a one-sided conversation with a furry, four-legged creature. And what amazes me is that I enjoy it. I mean, I'm more inclined to hang out with them. Perhaps, because they don't expect anything from me, except, to pet and play with them or give them treats. And most of all, they don't talk behind my back.

I don't have issues with self-esteem but it sure does feels good to come across Moxie, eager and excited to see me, especially after I'm away for a day or two. It means she's happy to see me again. Or when Nakita sat, with a pillow on my lap, comfy and content. It makes me think she likes me and I pose no threat to her.

"The difference between friends and pets is that friends we allow into our company, pets we allow into our solitude." - Robert Brault

I find that dogs and cats are smart. Well, at least the ones, I hang out with every day. I think it's neat the way Nakita waits for me patiently, outside my bedroom, on some mornings. As if to say, "C'mon, hurry up and feed me already." Of course, she only makes the "meow" sound. Or the way Moxie tries to tell me, when she needs to go outside or when her bowl is empty and needs a refill. Or the way she gives me the "look" when she wants a treat.

For now, I'm having a nice time with them ( Moxie and Nakita, I mean. ) And I think, they seem to enjoy my company too. I spoil them, I've been told. But then, we're "friends" so....

Family Matters

"If only we could have the impossible, he thought, we could vanquish unhappiness. But that was not how things worked in the world."

I read the book "A Fine Balance" by Rohinton Mistry, more than a year ago. It was the most sad yet an eye-opener read I ever had. It is fiction but I can't help correlate it with reality. Some things that happened in the book and the respective characters' circumstances did happen in real life.

"Remember, people can take away everything from you, but they cannot rob you of your decency. Not if you want to keep it. You alone can do that, by your actions."

One day, I was in Chapters. While I walked around and browsed over different titles, I came across Rohinton Mistry's works. I didn't realize that he wrote three previous books before "A Fine Balance". So, I jot down the titles. Once I got back home, I put  a request for "Family Matters" in the library.

Reading the book made me think about my own family-- the relationship I had ( or lack thereof ) with my late father and my attitude towards my mother and younger siblings.

As with any good book that I read, I always make it a point to take note of phrases that I like or I think, impacted me in some ways.

So, here's one...

"Everyone underestimates their own life. Funny thing is, in the end, all our stories--your life, my life---they're the same. In fact, no matter where you go in the world, there is only one important story: of youth, and loss, and yearning for redemption. So we tell the same story, over and over. Just the details are different."

Oh, hello there....

So, what's up with you guys? January and February just went by in a blur. March is here and it's time to change the clock again, "spring forward", so they say. Resolutions, still there? I know it can be daunting and difficult to keep ourselves in check when something nice and tempting is right in front of us. ( Say, a big slice of a very tasty cheesecake or lemon pie. Just saying. )

I made this "huge announcement" of reading more often, but I didn't get to read for more than a week after I left behind my glasses in my aunt's place. The book, which I was reading at that time and that I would have otherwise finish days ago, lay, collecting dust on my bedside table. Thankfully, my sister realized my "predicament" and mailed my glasses for me. And all was good again. ( I can't read for long or use the computer without my glasses on. And if I do, I get headaches and feel nauseated.)

I like to think that you do check out my blog and read what I write from time to time. So, I assume you know a little bit about what's going on in my life. Not that its my intention to keep you posted on every mundane detail about it.

 My journals...

I have you know that I drank almost an entire bottle of sparkling wine. Yes, this is true. One Sunday night, I hang out with my sister and while she was getting dinner ready, I on the other hand, was busy knocking off a few glasses of sparkling wine. It was really my intention to get drunk but my plan didn't work. My sister was like, what's wrong with you? I dismissed her question with a laugh and drank the remaining contents of my glass. Just to be clear, getting drunk is not part of my resolution.

Another "resolution" I thought of doing is to write often. I even go as far as bought Moleskine notebooks from Chapters. ( Considering that they're $10 a piece and they were already on SALE, it was a splurge. ) Anyway, I'm back to writing on my journal again. I mean, there's no way that I can just let those pricey $10 notebooks to waste and gather dust.

As for my running, it is good so far. I'm happy that I get to do a short run during my work week on top of the ones that I usually do on my days off. I can't complain.

So far, things are good. Hopefully, they stay that way. I try to downplay the fact that I'm happy and like being where I'm at now, for fear that it may not last and then I have to move again.

Now, let's go back to those  resolutions. Where we at, again?

February reads...

February started a bit slow for me, if we talk about reading and books. I borrowed a couple of books from the library which I didn't read. I rarely write something about the books I've read except, to say, they're good or an excellent read. And that's it.

Towards the end of February, after such a long wait and aimless wandering from one day to the next, I was fortunate enough to come across two books that I had a great time with.

I finally get hold of "The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry" by Rachel Joyce. I first saw it from the Chapters website and decided that I want to read it. So I put a request at the library and then, waited. This book appealed to me because of the "long walk" ( I was curious as to how he fared at the end.) that Harold did to visit a friend that he haven't heard from for twenty years. He met a lot of people along the way and endured all sorts of discomfort. When he begun to falter, he allowed hope to keep him going and not give up. And plow ahead. In the end, he see his friend for the last time and in the process, rekindled the failing relationship he had with her wife.

"The Light Between Oceans" by M.L. Stedman has me occupied for three days. A friend read it for her book club. She told me it was good so I read it too. I'm glad I did. I always find it hard to put a good book down. "The Light Between Oceans" is one. I told myself to read just a  couple of chapters every time but I ended reading more. I even stayed up until midnight to finish it. The story is about the choices people make through the course of their lives and the consequences they have to deal with after. I feel Tom's struggle between doing what is right and his love for Isabel.

I'm glad to read these books. I enjoyed them and feel a bit lost, after I turned the last page.

I'm reading....

What are you reading right now? ( And, it is good? Would you recommend it? How did you choose it? )

I'm reading "The Light Between Oceans" by M.L. Stedman. I started reading it two days ago, and so far, it has keep me occupied. I can't seem to stop and usually, I don't read in bed, but with this book, I made an exception. I keep telling myself to read just one chapter but I end reading more.

For now, I can't say I can recommend it because I'm still halfway through it. But if you're the type who likes to read something interesting and doesn't care if it is penned by a famous author or otherwise, then you should give it a try. In my experience, I have read books that were written by first-time authors that turn out to be best-sellers and memorable ones.

A friend read this book for her book club and after she was finish, she asked me if I like to read it too. And I said, sure. I rarely say no. :-) I'm glad I did.

I'm biting off more than I can chew...

With my resolution to read more and as often as possible, I amassed three books ( of various subjects ) none of which, I read diligently, at present. Yes, I am slacking off with my readings. I'm too preoccupied to be bothered by it. And this is unlike of me.

Before I can fully feel guilty or have someone point a finger at me for going astray ( Okay, I just assumed this, as if anyone  care  whether I read or not ), let me share the objects of this "affliction", that at first, I thought deserve my undivided attention....

The Rainmaker ( John Grisham )

Truth is, I don't really feel bad about this because I already read this book, years ago, when I was still in school. One day, I watched the movie "Runaway Jury" on TV, then out of the blue, I just have this desire to read again my all-time favorite Grisham novel---The Rainmaker.

Well, I only get to the first few chapters. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to finish it before it will be due. Perhaps, I'll skip a few pages and get to the parts I like.

Persuasion ( Jane Austen )

"Pride and Prejudice" is the first book I've read ( and I think, will be the only one ), written by Jane Austen. After I watched the movie "The Jane Austen Book Club"  where different characters read all of Jane Austen's six books, I vowed to read them all too. I only went as far as Mansfield Park ( that is, after Pride and Prejudice ) and didn't even finish the book.

Now, I try to take a stab at it again, so I decided to borrow "Persuasion" from the library. I have yet to finish a page, let alone the first chapter. The words are printed too close and the font size used is too fine for me. Excuses, excuses....

Mastery ( Robert Greene )

I have my own copies of "The 48 Laws of Power" and "The 33 Strategies of War", I like them both. I read and treat them like they're textbooks. ( My neon-colored pen and Post-It notes are always at hand, just in case, I come across an interesting phrase or paragraphs. )

Anyway, when I learned about "Mastery", I put a request for it in the library. I had to wait, like a few months, before it came through. I try to resist the temptation to use my neon-colored pen. Although, I had one Post-It note on a certain page I like, but that's it. With this one, I need my own copy.

Enough said.

current reads and what not...

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

• What are you currently reading?
• What did you recently finish reading?
• What do you think you’ll read next?

So, here goes mine:

What are you currently reading?

I have John Grisham's The Rainmaker ( that I got from the library ) waiting for my undivided attention. Although I've read this book before ( years ago, I think ), I figured there's no harm done if I read it again. Besides, this is my all-time favorite of all Grisham books.

What did you recently finish reading?

I finished James Patterson's ( and Marshall Karp ) NYPD RED a few days ago. It took me just one day to finish it. Since  that first time I read one of Patterson's ( along with a co-author ) novel, I was hooked. I enjoyed reading his books because it is fast-paced and always give me this impression or feeling, that I'm watching a movie. The scenarios and characters described come to life in my mind. 

What do you think you'll read next?

Whatever that comes available from the library ( that is, after I finish reading The Rainmaker ). I requested a few books and I'm just waiting for them. So, let's see.

The first few days...

So, 2013 is upon us. Like the start of every new year, the word RESOLUTION becomes too popular. You can almost hear or read about it for the entire duration of January. And perhaps, for the next few months, until people wake up from the drunken lull of the holiday season and realize that reality is here to stay.

"I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me." - Anais Nin

I always thought that resolutions are made to be broken so what's the point of making them. I mean, it's tedious enough to think of habits you want to change or things you want to do, that sometimes, the resolve to actually do them seem futile. Before you know it, resolutions goes down the drain and never heard of again.

Every new year for me is a constant reminder that I'm still here. An opportunity to be thankful and face whatever life decides to throw at me.  Anyway, I decided to come up with my own resolutions. Hopefully, it's not something I'd do only at the start of the year but will continue  in the months and years to come. God willing.

Read more and read often. I love reading that sometimes, I'd rather be doing it than doing something else. But then my life don't just revolve around books and reading so....

Write often. The fact that I'm writing this post is a good sign. I do love to write but sometimes, I just don't have the motivation or inclination to do so.

Run. Well, I really have to do this more often because I signed up for a race. And there's no better way to prepare for it than simply, run.

Just few of the things I can think of. They don't seem hard because I already love doing them. But at some point, they can get monotonous. So I think, the real challenge here, is to do them in novel ways, to spice things up. Say, I could try running in the snow, just to see how it feels.

Enough on my spiel about resolution. I think the idea behind making them ( and actually doing them, I hope ) is to recoup whatever the previous year has dealt you and start again, with a clean slate and the good sense to learn from your mistakes.  I know, it's easier said than done but then, there's no harm in trying, right? :-)

H A P P Y   N E W  Y E A R  ! ! !

2012 happenings...

"Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, 
whispering it will be happier..." 

- Alfred Lord Tennyson

With another year coming up for grabs, I think that it's only fitting to reflect on what went on in 2012. And perhaps, I can learn a thing or two from it.

As you know, I live a pretty much laid-back and ordinary life. No late-night outs and hangovers. No hang-outs with so-called friends. No dates or whatsoever. Nothing much is going on in my world. My sister always point it to me that, I'm already living the life of someone more than twice my age or  just about.

I have no complains though. I'm happy and thankful  where I'm at right now. I'm sure I did quite a few things this past year---fun things, I say. So if you're up to it, read on....

Ran in my "first" marathon. I put emphasis on the word 'first' because I think about doing another one. Go figures. :-)

I love the letter "N". After countless hours spent on the road,"driving" and two failed road tests, I finally got this. 

My sister and I dressed up for Halloween!!!

Helped decorate my first "real" Christmas tree. 

Christmas morning. I'm glad I made it to Santa's "Nice" list. :-)

White Christmas and we made a snowman too. :-)

Goodies galore. And I'm just talking about desserts here. Sometimes, I think I'm like the birds, fattening up for winter. But I'm not complaining.:-)

Get to met new friends. :-)

Then, there's my birthday. And other things I'm grateful for every day. :-)

"For last year's words belong to last year's language

And next year's words await another voice.

And to make an end is to make a beginning."

-T. S. Eliot

Year-end reads

"Books are delightful society. If you go into a room and find it full of books---even without taking them from the shelves, they seem to speak to you, to bid you welcome." - William Ewart Gladstone

The past few weeks, I neglected to keep my blog updated. I tried to but somehow, I wasn't up to the task of writing another post. Ideas come to mind but I wasn't focused enough to sit down and write.

I've been reading a lot lately though. So I'm torn between taking the time off from reading in order to write. Anyway, enough of that. I'm sure you don't check out my blog just to read my tirade about not writing often.

If there's one thing that I never get tired and bored of doing over and over again, that is, reading. I know, I've  made mention of this before. I just love being on my own, in between the pages of a good book. I have this plan to list down all the books I read this year but I'm not sure if I'd ever get down to it. So allow me to share the latest books I've read so far....

Winter of the World ( Ken Follett )
Second installment from the Century trilogy. I enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed "Fall of  Giants". The 900+ pages didn't stop me from forging on ahead and read every page.

The Racketeer ( John Grisham )
John Grisham is one of my favorites. I read all his works, except for a book or two. I can't remember the titles though. But I always make it a point to read whatever new book he has written. "The Racketeer" is the latest and you're in for a thrilling read with this one.

The Zoo ( James Patterson & Michael Ledwidge )
This is the fourth book I've read from James Patterson. Usually it just took me a day or two, tops, to finish reading it. I always feel like I'm watching a movie when I read his books and gets me right in the zone of "can't put it down until I get to the last page".  "The Zoo" deals with the idea of animals running amok and attacking humans. It is scary. And the irony is, we are to be blame.

The Secret Keeper ( Kate Morton )
The latest one from Kate Morton. If you've read "The Forgotten Garden"; "The House at Riverton" or "The Distant Hours", then you know what to expect. Kate Morton has this talent of creating an intricate web of suspense that leave you wanting for more, by this I mean, staying up late at night to read one chapter and end  up reading two chapters more.

Anyway, there goes my year-end reads. I'll take a break for a few days before starting again at the start of 2013. And it will give me time to brush up on my writing too. Hopefully.

"You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend." - Paul Sweeney 

Older and thankful...

I turned 36 a few weeks ago. I can't say I feel any different than last year. Of course, it doesn't escape my attention that I'm a year older now. I always look forward to my birthday no matter what. The past year has been a mixture of happy times ( my birthday, for one, that is ) and not so happy times. It entailed a lot of changes in my life. Someone I know passed away. I learned to drive and got my driver's license. Had to look for another job and had to pack my stuff and move again. Despite all that, I have so much to be thankful for. I'm grateful for where I am right now, in my life.

I get to have my cake and eat it too while at the same time, holding on to my beer. And have coffee with Baileys on the side. I'm a happy camper. :-) [ Thanks to Rita.] 

 I realized that things happen for a reason, though most of the time, it's way beyond me. I learned that crappy times don't last long, in the same way, that happy times don't last forever. Still it pays to remember that, there's always that light at the end of the tunnel, only if I know how to look and have patience at the same time. It's a huge comfort to have those happy memories to look back to whenever I feel down.

Turning a year older is an accomplishment in itself. I can't stress this enough. And there's that feeling of being "extra special" even if  just for one day.

Enjoyed sparkling wine with my sister and cousin. ( And other stuff not shown. )

I'll look forward to what this year has in store for me. Hopefully, I still get to run from time to time and do new stuff. Who knows...

Sisters-in-arms ( anything could happen )

"A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves." - Toni Morrison

I've been asked more than a few times if I like being in Canada. And I always say, "Yes, I like being here." Living in a foreign country and being away from home is not so bad because my sister is here, even if we don't get to see each other and hang out often. I know, I'd be singing a different tune if I'm the only one here. My sister helps keep homesickness at bay.

I decided to come up with this post because our birthdays are coming up and I thought I'd write something about our relationship. So far, it's working. My sister and I get along fine, perhaps more so, because we only see each other like, once or twice a month. So whatever time we have, is maximize and full of laughter and fun. I once told her that I only get to laugh ( the LOL kind ) when I'm with her.

"A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost." - Marion C. Garretty

I'm thankful my sister is here. Between the two of us, we always find ways to have fun and enjoy each other's company. I'm not saying we never have arguments or something but we try not to have them. The little time we have is far better spend on having a grand "adventure". Besides, getting older, makes us more forgiving and accommodating to each other's shortcomings. Of course, I still complain ( sometimes ) when she takes her sweet time to put on make up or  decides what dress to wear. In the same way, she comments on the way I dress or my "old lady" shoes. But the best part is, she spoils me ( take note, sister, I still pine for the Nikon SLR ) and cooks me Filipino food, whenever I ask here.

So, here's to you, my "always fashionably dressed" sister, Happy, Happy Birthday!!!

"Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other."- Carol Saline

The End of Your Life Book Club

I can't say it enough, I love reading and I love books. And I also love to read books written about the love for books and reading too. ( Lost yet? )

I'm lucky to get hold of "The End of Your Life Book Club" by Will Schwalbe, when it was fairly new and just released this year. Not that I'd mind reading this later or next year. I found this book at the Chapters website where I frequent, to look for new books to read. I perused its summary and decided I like to read it. I put a request for it at the library and I'm glad  I didn't have to wait that long.

I'm not going to write a book review because until now, I don't know how to write one. And I feel that I don't do justice to it, anyway.

What I love about this book is the way the author shared his and his mother's passion about books and reading. And the impact it has in their respective lives. Through the course of reading this, I can't help but wish that Tiya ( my aunt in the Philippines ) is here, so we can share books and talk about them. One day, I brought up this subject ( you know, sharing books and reading ) to my sister, she pointedly told me to leave her out of "it".

"That's one of the things books do. They help us talk. But they also give us something we all can talk about when we don't want to talk about ourselves."

I remember the lady that I used to look after and work for before. She passed away a few months ago. One thing that made us hit it off from the start, I believe, is books and reading. ( Well, there's the crossword puzzle too. She got me started with it and now, I'm hooked. ) During the time, I lived with her, we've shared books and talked about them. She suggested books that I should read, which I did and found them great and enjoyable. ( My favorites: Roots by Alex Haley; A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry and The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay ). I let her read whatever books I got from the library that I thought she might like and she did enjoy them too. We both cried over "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini. Sometimes, I think about those times, when we just hang out and  read in companionable silence.

Looking back now, I realized that, without both of us intending to, we started out our own book club too. However short-lived it was. Of course, at that time, we didn't think about someone dying or something, instead we look forward to more years ahead of us and more books to read. After she died, I stopped reading for awhile. I just didn't feel like it. Later on, I started writing diligently on my journal and found my way back to reading again. She once told me that I should write something about my life, especially coming to and living in a foreign country and leaving my family behind. I was taken aback, since no one ever suggested that to me before and I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind, "Yes, I will. And you'll be the first one to read it." 

 "The End of Your Life Book Club" afforded me that glimpse, to know what it feels like to have someone, to share with your "love" for books and reading. Although, I really don't mind, if there's no one to share books with and reading, for that matter.

Sometimes, just for the heck of it, I teased my sister about how I wish she like books and reading too, or start telling her about a book I've read or currently reading, I love seeing her "Please, don't talk to me about that." look.

Anyway, if ever you get the chance to read "The End of Your Life Book Club", hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did. But if not, that's alright too. :-)

The Time Keeper

(Quote from The Time Keeper)

I always enjoy reading Mitch Albom's books. "The Time Keeper" is another must-read. At first, it started out slow for me, while I tried to find my footing in the story. Obviously, it is about time or the lack thereof or it being not enough. To fully appreciate what I'm trying to say here, you better read the book and see for yourself.

I'm not sure if it's a coincidence or not, but the story affected me in some ways. I have always been particular about time, that sometimes, I fail to take part in what is happening around me, because I'm so wrap up about  the time ticking by or whether I'm being productive or not. I prided myself on always showing up on time, except if there are unforeseen events that I can't do anything about.

"With endless time, nothing is special. With no loss or sacrifice, we can't appreciate what we have." - ( from The Time Keeper )

After moving to Canada, I find that time just go by so fast. Whenever I go and see my sister, we both complained about there's not enough time, especially when we're having fun. But then, we know it's all part of being here. We make the best of whatever limited time we have and look forward to the next visit. So now, I don't nag her as much as I used to, when it takes her, like forever, to comb her hair or whatever she does with it. And I stop thinking of myself as being the aggrieved party, just because she takes her sweet time.

Reading the book made me realize that I need to step back a bit and enjoy each moment. Never mind that the clock is ticking nearby. ( Seriously, I can hear the second hand of my watch, counting down each minute. )

Time is something that  is outside my control. What matters is what I do with what I have. I learn to "stop and smell the roses" once in a while. And I find that, sometimes "doing nothing" is not such a bad thing after all.