Sunday, May 19, 2013

I never ask her, "What it's like to be you?"...

"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." - Abraham Lincoln

It's been a long time since I last saw my mother, not that I'm counting. More than three years ago, I mumbled a hasty goodbye to her before I boarded the plane that took me to another country. I didn't even look back because I suck at saying goodbye and I didn't want to see her sad face.

My mother had me when she was just 18. When I was that age, I was busy with a new life away from home under the guise of attending university.

All those years growing up, my mother never had to fussed on me about anything, well, except for that day when she forced me to wear a dress to school or that time when she put clips on my unruly hair ( to make it stay in place ) but I took it off when I thought she wasn't looking. She never had to wake me up on a school day ( because most of the time, I was up before her ); never had to tell me to study my lessons or do my homework; she never had to tell me not to stay out late at night or skip class, I thought she's indifferent or just didn't care. Years later, when I asked her why she was never strict or impose rules on me, she simply replied, "Because I know you always do the right thing." So, that was it. I didn't realize she trust me that much.

I used to have this fear that I might end up like my mother---have nine kids and just stay at home. That time, I didn't even think of all the "work" she had to put up with raising us. When I think about it now, I'm sure that I can't measure up to what she did for us. ( Good thing, I don't have kids.)

My mother is the simplest and sometimes, naive person you've ever met. She give in to almost everything to avoid arguments and fights, which was and is a frequent occurrence in our house. For the most part growing up, I tried to for someone to look up to and look after  me. With a new baby arriving every couple of years or so, I drifted farther away from her. As I grew older, I realized that I don't need another person to acknowledge my presence and the things I've done because my mother is always there. I live away from home most of my adult life that it's comforting to know that when I come home again, she'll be there. As for "knowing to do the right thing", she need not worry about it.

Anyway, I've been meaning to write this one in time for Mother's Day but I never get around to it. My mother won't read this but it doesn't matter. Besides, she knows I appreciate what she'd done for me and my siblings, all these years. And I am forever thankful.

For our one and only "Nanay", every day is Mother's Day. :-)




No comments: