It's that time of the year, again. And no, I'm not talking about Christmas. It's still too far ahead to talk about, mind you. Although I started seeing ads on TV about the holidays and all. The pressing matter at hand is that we're towards the end with the month of November. And it so happened that it's my birth month. I don't usually get excited about my birthday. Growing up, my family didn't celebrate birthdays. It's like, so you're a year older, big deal. The only thing we did or was expected of us, was go to church and lit some candles. I even have to remind my mother that it's my birthday.
For some people, turning a year older is something they don't look forward to. I mean,who wants to get old? If we can get away with it, we'd rather stay forever young.
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"Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years."- Ausonius
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As the years passed, I started to have this feeling of excitement and anticipation when my birthday comes up. Turning a year older is an opportunity I gladly embrace with gratitude. I don't really think about my age because it's just a number. Besides, I can still get away with not looking it. Proof of that, just recently, I went to my favorite store ( as my sister calls it ). After I grab a bottle of my favorite white wine and a pack of Smirnoff Ice vodka, I walk over to the till to pay. The guy, in the counter, while helping another customer, look at me.
"Can I see some ID, young lady?" were his first words when I placed my stuff in front of him. I fiddled with my wallet and took out my driver's license and handed it to him. The cashier took a close look at it to check my date of birth, I assumed. I assured him that I'm old. And he was like, does this happen to you all the time. I hesitated and replied,
"Sometimes." "Always", my sister piped in.
I'm thankful that I'm here for another year. To still get to do the things I love and to be with the people I care about is the best gift I'll ever have. Sure, I pine for things and what not, I'm human after all. I used to write a "shameless plug" weeks before my birthday solely for my sister's benefit. So she wouldn't have a hard time in deciding what to get me for my birthday. But eventually, I got tired of doing it. The main thing is I'm still around.
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"I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive. I'm enough."- Brene Brown
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I don't feel any different. I know, 39 seemed like pretty old. Like you're expected to be married and have children. When I get asked how old I am and if I'm married and have children, I politely replied "No" to both questions. And always my answers would draw more follow-up questions, most common is "why?". Last year, I went back home for a short visit, a friend told me that I've changed. I was like, no, I didn't. I don't know exactly what she meant by it because I'm still the same person as before. Perhaps I have change in some ways but only to adapt myself to where I am right now. I'm still the same person who don't say much unless there's a purpose or point in a conversation. I still believe in being on time and not keep people waiting, like I'm some VIP.
Its funny how people try to pin you down in to a category or something. And if they can't figure you out, they'll tell you what to do. I've been told to
"color your hair" or
"go out and met people" or talk. I get that I'm different and probably for some, weird. To the few people who accepts and tolerates my quirks, thank you. :-)
Before I end this post, allow me to share my hopes for the years to come. So here goes...
- Good health for my family and friends.
- The means and willingness to provide for my family. ( because "You don't love your family because they're kind and considerate. You love them because they're your family." - Fall of Giants )
- To be always grateful.
- To "don't sweat the small stuff"
- To run again. I'm hoping I can run another marathon before I reach 40.
- My jar of coins to fill up so I can go to New York.
Thank you for all the birthday wishes. :-)
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