Friday, November 5, 2010

...my quest to "don't sweat the small stuff"...

 With another month done and another just starting, I am compelled to take stock of what has been happening in my life so far. ( I guess long period of silence does that to a person, not that I'm in meditation or something.) I just find it comforting to reflect on things lately and sometimes, smile at myself for no apparent reason. Is this a sign that I'm getting older or just plain going nuts.

What I'm trying to say is that I feel like I finally grow up. ( Physically it's pretty obvious) I'm beginning to take things as they come and try not to resist them anymore. Accepting and letting go is far more easy than griping why things aren't. (Well, to be honest, I'm still working on it actually.)

The other day I grasp the harsh reality that I'm still hang up on things that aren't there anymore. I cried my eyes out and repeatedly blow my nose on several pieces of Kleenex. My eyes were puffy and red as if I had just an all-night drinking binge ( with the folks) Sadness descended upon me and somehow bawling my eyes out, keep it at bay. So this is how it feels to be sad? Am I sad? The feeling is unfamiliar to me so I have a hard time dealing with it. Well, there's only one thing I know how, run.

I always thought that I am this easygoing kind of person, who doesn't take things seriously and "don't sweat the small stuff". It turned out I am not. The realization caught me off guard. I am never the type who dwells much on my feelings and prefer to take things in stride. But now, I'm doing the exact opposite. And I felt helpless.

While going through my days, out of rote and just trying to get it over with, I chance upon a book that somehow "smack me in the head" and rouse me from this self-imposed crappy feeling.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and It's all Small Stuff by Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

I hope none of you would say something like this, "She had to write an entire four paragraphs of nonsense and it just all boils down to some stupid book" ( I certainly hope not.)

This book helped me in ways that I could never have expected from another person. Sure, it's nice to have someone to pour your feelings out, and hopefully, will listen to you. But based on my experience, it's hard because basically, people just tell you what you want to hear and that doesn't really help.

So I come up with these 10 items from the 100-item list in the book. They made a profound impact on me so I thought of sharing it with you. Anyway, are you still there?

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (#1)

It's obvious why I chose this. Oftentimes, little things get on my nerves ( like someone perpetually late) that I end up becoming this horrid person. I'm currently working on this one.

Surrender to the Fact that Life Isn't Fair (#17)

Now this is fun. How many times have I bemoaned my abject lack of relationship ( ahem) No, seriously, I never complained about that "thing". Life is not meant to be fair, if it was, then we all have a pretty boring existence. I used to think that life dealt me all the wrong cards. How? I want NikonD90 but can't afford one. Want everything to stay the same yet it completely changes overnight. Want washboard abs but got flabby ones. ( No offense to Pooh and Po) Tough, I suppose. Then, I realized that if only I can "accept" the realities of life not being fair, I'm all set to go. Frankly, I kind of already. I mean, slowly starting to "accept" it.

Life is a Test. It is only a Test. ( #32) 

If only it comes with some sort of study guide to prepare us for the bumpy ride ahead. But since it does not, it's up to us to forge our own way. One thing I learned though, that for every speed bump that I managed to get through, no matter how muddied, scathed or bloodied I've become, there's that satisfied feeling knowing that I rise to the occasion ( with a bit of squirming along the way) and pass the test, hopefully.

Be Flexible with Changes in your Plans (#65) 
 
Not really that appealing when you're set on your ways. I mean who would want to get all their plans thwarted. Not me. But then, there are times that our plans don't pan out the way we want them to be. I had a hard time dealing with this one. I always want my plans to push through. In the end, I learned that it's not the end of the world if my plans go out of whack. The best thing to do is just to go with it. I know, it's easier said than done. So I try not to think so much about it and just do it rather than mope about it.

Think of What You Have instead of What You Want (#66)  

This got me to do a lot of serious thinking. I admit it, I have a long list of "wants",  that most of the time, I fail to think and ask myself if I really want them. The feeling of wanting something that bad, drove me crazy. Fortunately, I had the good sense to take things in perspective. I still pine for things that I wish I have, from time to time, but not that persistent anymore. I think it pays to appreciate first what I have at the moment instead of wishing for things that I may or may not want after all. (But I'm still "getting" that Nikon D90, one of these days.)

Be Happy Where You Are (#69)
Madison and California
 It strike me most at this point in my life. All that were familiar to me are not there anymore. Even my friend is slowly "letting go" ( as she put it) of me. For someone strongly hinged on routines and all things familiar, I feel like a top, spinning out of control. After I mull over things, I come to the conclusion that, I alone is responsible for my own state of being, however I choose. For sure, outside factors always come into play but it's up to me, how to deal with them. I guess I can always take a cue from Madison and California. I'm pretty sure they're happy where they are.

One More Passing Show (#90)

"What was that? Oh, okay I got it." This is usually what comes to mind when I realized that I barely missed, stepping on a small pipe of dog poop left by Coco on the hallway, as I staggered out of the bedroom, bleary-eyed and half awake. Yes, part of my job is picking up dog poop. How cool is that. Months ago, the smell and sight of dog poop would sent me scurrying away and I never realized that I'd be picking them, any time of the day, like it was one of the most ordinary thing for me to do. I can't help but think, so this is what I got after slaving four years in college. Great. I've become a certified poop picker. Anyway, it's all up to me to decide how to go about it. I can choose to be miserable or gladly embrace it, with the thought that it's just "one more passing show". 

Be Open To "What Is" (#96)

Accepting things as they are is pretty hard. I always wrestled with myself when it comes to this. My sometimes "idealistic" thinking leads me to view things according to what I think it is suppose to be. I assure you, it leads to a lot of disappointments and missed lunches, not to mention things thrown or doors slammed in anger. If I can help it, I try not to dwell so much on "what is suppose to be" but rather focus on just "what is". Period.

Mind Your Own Business (#97)

I like my privacy respected. If there's one thing I'm averse to, it is being quizzed like I'm on the hot seat. Then out of nowhere, I'm doing it myself. It took the phrase "Mind your own business" thrown at my face (when I become too nosy), to let me think for a moment ( and this happened when I doggedly grill my friend about her supposed-to-be nonexistent love life) Serves me right, I suppose. Now, I make it a point to think twice first before offering comments or help, especially if  I'm not ask. All the more reason to keep my mouth shut.

Look for the Extraordinary in the Ordinary (#98)

This is neat. What could be so extraordinary about waking up early in the morning, to some it is a drudge. But I have no misgivings doing it because who could not marvel at the sight of this.
 Stepping on dried leaves is ordinary but I have lots of fun doing it. Just hearing the "crunch" sound they made, put a silly grin on my face. Sipping my first cup of coffee is way beyond ordinary. Well, at least to me, anyway.

So, anyone of you reading this, asleep now? Hope not. I'm just so affected by the book that I thought of sharing some part of it, along with my "insights'. If you feel up to it, you can check the book out and read it yourself. Who knows, it may also "smack you in the head".

Happy reading. :-)



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